Shattered Memories

I went to Prom on Friday night with Julian, and it made me reflect on how much has changed since our real senior prom in 2004. Both of us have grown over time in many ways - but I'm really happy that as much as we've been through, we can still be close and have a ball. At Prom, we took a big group picture, just like in high school! I saw lots of friends, old and new, and everyone was looking all snazzy. I don't hang out with anyone that I was close to in high school (except J), but I'm grateful for the friends I have now =) Like Alex, Corinna, Nick and Jon, and Joe - they were all there and I'd consider them among the closest people in my life. Was truly an awesome night, and I will definitely be at Prom next year.

I stayed home sick today from work, and I'm almost glad I wasn't feeling well because at least I was there for my mom. In the afternoon, my dad stopped by to talk to my mom, and an hour later we had a family meeting. We were sitting in the living room and it was a final goodbye sort of deal. He announced that he wasn't moving back in (officially) and that he would be taking the rest of his belongings. My mom took the keys back and she sat glaring at him with hatred and defeat in her eyes. While my brother and I both knew this was coming, I don't think we considered that he would one day be completely gone. I spent the rest of the day and night with my mom, helping her clean the house and watching movies with her. I worry.

Growing up, I always felt like I had the perfect nuclear family. Although our parents did fight from time to time, my brother and I were never involved and overall we made up a loving and functional family. As I grew up, I got into trouble and my dad had always sided with me even when I was wrong - while my mom didn't. I felt a much stronger bond with my dad up until two years ago when things went awry. Now, seeing my mom go through the devastation of divorce is upsetting and she has my utmost sympathy. We've grown closer recently and I try to be there for her as much as I can.

But today, when my dad was giving us the farewell speech, I could see that he was hurting too. While fighting back tears, he packed up one of his bags with shaky hands and departed in an awkward silence - that's something I will never be prepared for. It's so painful to see your parents in weak moments, because you always look to them for comfort, support, and stability. Even as I am approaching my 24th birthday, I still find it hard to stomach that my parents are not perfect, and they hurt too. I hope that everyone will be okay. I can't describe the way that I feel, other than that there's a gaping emptiness inside of me. And while I've always believed that things happen for a reason, I hope to God that I will never experience a divorce of my own.