SNOW!

I am pleased to introduce you to, my first snowman! The snowing season is now underway. :) There was a teensy bit of snow yesterday, lots more snow today, and according to the weather forecast we're in for snow for at least a few more days.

How does it feel, you ask? Simply enchanting. The only times I've ever experienced snowfall were in Tahoe - they were tiny, miserably cold snow flakes that didn't look like flakes at all. BUT TODAY! The snow was powdery and flaky, and the most wonderfully delightful thing I've experienced in Seattle yet. Matt woke me up this morning to show me the snow, and when I finally got out of bed I bundled up and went upstairs to the roof. I made a snowman! Or at least, what I thought was a snowman. Matt joined me later on and after he told me I was supposed to roll the balls in the snow to even them out and make them fluffy, I made a much more proportionate snowman. They don't show you these things in the movies!

As the snow cleared up later in the day, so did my excitement. Truthfully, my time here in Seattle is become less and less blissful. Things have been unwinding since New Year, and my future is now very uncertain. Things with Victor have boiled down to us just being friends, which I'm totally grateful for, but not very happy about. The feeling of being so lucky and cared for all of the time has now turned into two feelings 1) at times feeling lucky for the fun new friends I have made, and 2) at times feeling sad and left out, wishing that things had stayed the same.

Dealing with the negative emotions in my life is exponentially worse being 800 miles away from the people that I know and love best. The weekend before last I spent two days doing absolutely nothing, just laying in bed feeling so discouraged that I couldn't muster the motivation to shower or eat. Being in a new city and feeling alone is scary, and so unpleasant. But I'm sure that this would have happened eventually, no matter where I went. Sadness seems to be inevitable for me.

There are also changes in my work situation recently, and it's only a matter of weeks before I'll be out of a job. There are plans to move me to a different shop, but so many things can happen at this point. Leave it to me, the worry wart, to wring my brain about everything. So many things scratching at the back of my brain. I'm exhausted and so discouraged, but I'll just keep smiling through it.

I still have fanastic moments here though, like this morning with my first snow experience. Or even just hanging out with Matt and partying with the guys. I went to karaoke with Menie last week, and we had a BLAST. Her friend and his friend joined us, and I almost went to Whistler with them the next day. I know it would have been an amazing trip, but I was feeling sick and didn't want to risk getting sicker on the road. Every day is a new adventure, and I'm trying my best to shake the feeling of loneliness and missing certain someones to enjoy the opportunities that come up. It's tough, but it's the best I can do. And the best I can be is all I've ever wanted to be - that's why I never have any regrets.